


Star Wars Question Time

by SarcasticSmiler



Series: Procrastinating One Shots [6]
Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Baby Durins, Baby Dwarves, Gen, M/M, this could also look like pre-fili/kili and a bit of pre-gimli/legolas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-28
Updated: 2015-12-28
Packaged: 2018-05-10 00:02:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5561005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SarcasticSmiler/pseuds/SarcasticSmiler
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dwalin and Thorin introduced the boys to Star Wars, now they have to suffer the consequences.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Star Wars Question Time

**Author's Note:**

> This all came about after [this](http://just-shower-thoughts.tumblr.com/post/135832246954/why-dont-jedis-turn-off-their-opponents) popped up on my dash.
> 
> In this Gimli is 5, Kili is 6 (just turned), and Fili is about 10.

The last thing Thorin and Bilbo expected when they knocked on Dis’ door was for Dwalin to yank it open, a pleading expression on his face as he begged, “Help me.”

“Why?” Bilbo asked, passing by the hulking man to head to the kitchen and help Dis prepare the Sunday roast.

“They won’t stop, it’s just question after question,” Dwalin groaned, closing the door behind them. The sounds of childish giggling, young voices squealing _pew pew pew_ , and rather admirable lightsaber noises reaching their ears now the sound from the traffic outside had been cut off.

“Oh I’m leaving you both with this one, seeing as it’s entirely your fault to begin with,” Bilbo grinned.

“Traitor,” Thorin grumbled.

“Love you too, sweetheart,” Bilbo chuckled, blowing Thorin a kiss before disappearing through the kitchen door.

“Uncle Dwalin!” Kíli screeched, little feet thudding on the floorboards as he came tearing into the hallway, Fíli and Gimli on his heels.

“What now?” Dwalin groaned, just about keeping his balance as all three boys crashed into his legs, their sock clad feet not offering the slightest resistance against the floor.

“Why does that Window guy get to have a purple lightsaver?”

“Window?” Thorin asked, eyebrow quirked.

“He means Windu,” Dwalin answered Thorin before looking down at Kíli, “He’s a special guy so he gets a special lightsaber.”

“But why don’t that green man…”

“Yoda,” Fíli interjected.

“Yoda. Why don’t he get a special one?”

“Um? Because?”

“Cause isn’t a proper answer, uncle Dwalin,” Gimli said, ginger curls bouncing round his face as he shook his head.

“Thorin?” Dwalin turned to his cousin, hoping for some help, only to have blue eyes stare back at him with a distinct deer-in-the-headlights look.

“Um? Why don’t we watch some of the films again and see if it’ll answer the question?” Thorin tried.

“Okay!” the lads chirped, scuttling back off to the livingroom.

“I guess we know what we’re doing for the rest of the day,” Thorin sighed, not that he was particularly complaining, he loved the Star Wars films, truly he did, but his nephews and youngest cousin had a habit of questioning _everything_.

-x-

“Uncle Thorin?”

“Yes, Fíli?”

“Why is Leia in metal underwear?”

“Because she’s a slave and that’s what she’s been ordered to wear.”

“Is it uncomfortable?”

“Probably.”

“But,” Fíli’s little nose scrunched in confusion, “they’re in a desert, and, and it’s made of metal, won’t that get really hot?”

“Pretty sure Jabba doesn’t care about that, kid,” Dwalin answered.

“Oh. He’s mean.”

“Pretty much.”

-x-

“Ew! Kíli, get off!” Fíli squealed, scrubbing at his lips after Kíli had smacked a wet kiss to them.

“But Leia kissed her brother,” Kíli pouted.

“Yeah, _kissed_ , not _slobbered_ on!”

“Boys,” Thorin’s voice was slightly pained, “The Skywalkers really aren’t a family you should be taking tips from.”

“But I did what she did!” Kíli protested, completely ignoring his uncle.

“Ugh, no you didn’t,” Fíli groaned.

“Then what did she do?” Kíli’s dark brows drew down into a confused little frown.

“Come here,” Fíli tugged his little brother closer, wiping his lips with his sleeve to get rid of the spit from where Kíli had been chewing on his lip earlier, he then planted a soft, dry kiss to Kíli’s mouth, “Like that.”

“Only growd ups kiss like that,” Gimli piped up.

“Not true!” Kíli defended, shoving his cousin’s shoulder, “And you kissed Legolas like that at school!”

“Did not!”

“Did too!”

“Did not!”

“Boys!”

“We were only playing kiss chase,” Gimli grumbled.

-x-

“Unc…”

“What, Fíli?”

“Jedis can move stuff with the force, right?”

“Right.”

“So, why don’t they just turn off each other’s lightsavers with the force? There is a button to turn them on and off right?”

“Um?”

“It’s against the rules to do it?” Dwalin tried as Thorin mentally flailed for an answer.

“But naughty people don’t play by the rules,” Kíli reasoned, “That’s why they’re naughty.”

“Wouldn’t it make it easier for the dark side people to win? ‘Specially as they’re not very good at shooting things.”

“Yeah!” Kíli crowed, “Even _I_ can shoot better than them!”

“Boys! Dinner!” Dis called from the kitchen, saving Thorin and Dwalin from answering.

-x-

“Pew, pew, pew,” Kíli chanted as he shot peas across the table at Gimli.

“Kíli,” Dis scolded.

“You can’t tell me off!” he cried, looking wide eyed up at his mother.

“And why’s that?”

“Because I got him with every one, so I’m on the good side and good side people don’t get told off!”

Dis could only level a glare at her brother and Dwalin at her son’s answer.

-x-

Thorin fell face first onto their bed with a groan.

“Was it really that bad?” Bilbo asked, straddling Thorin’s waist he set his hands to massaging the tension out of the broad shoulders beneath him, drawing out another groan from Thorin, though this one was decidedly less pained.

“It was worse than bad,” Thorin grumbled.

“Poor baby,” Bilbo hummed, an evil smirk tugging at his lips as he added, “And just think, you get to do it all over again tomorrow with Frodo.”

**Author's Note:**

> All misspellings are intentional, especially the 'lightsaver' ones, pretty sure I called them that throughout my entire childhood, I still do now when I don't think about it, and I'm sure I can't be the only one.


End file.
